Have you seen those decorative neon lights under the more elite cars and trucks? You know, the purple or blue lights under the Mustangs or chopped-off 1/100th ton Toyota low-body pickup trucks (and I've even seen it on an '84 Chovette - spelling intentional, I had one). Well, you've never experienced anything as beautiful as an orange light emitting from the underside of a plywood living room table. Actually, it wasn't an orange bulb; it was white. But since the table was made of plywood, the resonating glow had an orange tinge. It was a soothing glow which the 100 watt bulb gave; one would be mezmorized for hours by the beauty. Then again, to be stunned by its magnificence, you'd have to be drunk.

That was our retro table, bringing us back to the '60s. Heck, the entire house was retro for that matter! The textured plaster walls, the panelling in the basement (although a 70's / early 80's flashback), and MIRRORS everywhere! They were even OUTSIDE on the porch pillars! Talk about tacky!

I

llegal Trespassing

The Evil Landlord from Hell was suspected of entering the house when we weren't home. Actually, the jerk admitted that he had lunch in the house on several occasions. Now, for those who don't know the Ontario Landlord - Tenant Act, the landlord cannot enter unless 24 hours notice was received by the tenant, the landlord is showing the house to potential new tenants, or there happens to be some emergency which requires entering the dwelling. Obviously none of these exceptions were in progress, else I wouldn't be telling you all this!

Back to the trespassing. How we figured out that he was actually in our house during the day was discovered by Chris. He had the upstairs front room (since been renovated to become two rooms - Spring 1997) and for several days had noticed that his closet doors were open. How could this happen? He always locked his door when he left for work! ... James! Arrrgh!

I don't remember why Chris didn't talk to James himself. Perhaps he wasn't as pissed as I got. (I'll get into that a bit later.) I decided to pull the old "putting the piece of paper in the door" trick. I made sure that the paper was small enough as to not notice it if it fell, yet wouldn't fall prematurely if the door was jiggled. Alex "CopyCat" Pop followed suit and did the same. Later that day when I got back, I immediately went upstairs and checked. The paper had fallen! I checked Alex's, and it was missing as well. That was the last straw; I couldn't be passive any longer!

With everyone (minus Alex if I recall correctly) in the living room proximity, I put my answering machine on two way record and proceeded to yell at James for his ignorance of our privacy and law. I happened to be very curt and forceful. I practically didn't let him get in a word edgewise. I would have written out the entire conversation here, but I left my answering machine home this term and don't have the tape. Perhaps some other time. But nonetheless, I was on a rampage! Just ask Andrew, Hans, or Chris about it.

I actually called the police, but got their damned voicemail and my call was never returned. That's what you get for dialing the direct seven digit number rather than 911. Perhaps I should have called 911 to get a cop at our door. Too late now. Moral of the story - don't let your landlord get away with anything!

S

imulating Cities

I was working for a Value Added Reseller which sold software to large companies. They had finished laying off many people in the firm, so there was a smattering of unused laptops floating around. Working as internal tech, I was eventually asked to configure some of these laptops for use by other people.

At the same time, the guys at the house (mainly Hans) were playing SimCity 2000. So I installed it on my computer and let Hans play. Well, my computer was now occupied by someone. What was I going to do? (My computer loves me and I love it.) Then an idea popped into my head... I would have to configure a laptop soon. Why not bring it home? So the next day, I brought a laptop back from work and did my configuring. Once that was done, I installed SimCity 2000 and Hans played on that. The idea was going over so well that I partook in the festivities and played along with my computer.

For the weekend, I brought two laptops from work and we had a three-way mini tourney going on. Noone was really keeping score. It was fun though. This was one of the lighter-side stories about 44-1/2 Lad Ave. that wasn't so horrendous. Sniff. It's bringing a tear of joy to my eye as I type.